He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
