Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
