I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
