You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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