Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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