My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
