i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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