I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
