Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
