I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
