sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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