I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
