didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
