so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
