Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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