Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
