Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
