Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
