he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
