There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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