i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
