My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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