Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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