cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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