I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
