Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want nice things and good sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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