I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
