Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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