You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
