she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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