I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
