Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
