Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
