So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I love you. Go after that dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
