I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
third nipple confirmed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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