I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
