Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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