i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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