I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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