The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
