then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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