Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
