Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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