Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I want is dick and wine.
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