hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
