I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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