alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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