my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Damn victory sex feels great
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
