I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
