Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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