Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
