this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
