If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
