I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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