Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
