corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
