I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
