A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
