Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
