i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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