why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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