Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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