I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Randomize
