you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
